Good morning, your Highness.
- Happy birthday, your Highness. - Yes, it is my birthday.
Oha, it is my 21st birthday.
Do you think, just once, I might use the bathroom by myself?
Most amusing, sir. Wipers!
The royal penis is clean, your Highness.
His Highness must be very excited today.
Today is your 21st birthday. It means you meet your wife-to-be.
How can a man get excited about a woman he's never seen?
He certainly is quiet this morning.
He looks sad.
- Is something troubling you, my son? - No, Father.
I'm more than the exalted ruler of this land and master of all I survey.
I'm also a concerned dad.
Well, Father... Just a moment.
- What is he doing? - It looks as if he's coming here.
Wait right there, Akeem.
Rose bearers!
Akeem. Come sit.
Now, my son... Have you grown a moustache?
Jaffe, it has been a year.
- So, what is it, my son? - First of all, things like this.
- Like what? - The rose petals.
You're the son of a king, why shouldn't you walk on the petals of roses?
But if there were no rose petals, I would still be the son of a king.
Then it is settled. From this day forth,
anyone who throws roses at my son's feet will answer to me.
It is not just that, it is everything.
The cooking, the pampering, the dressing, the bathing...
Actually, I rather enjoy the bathing,
but I'd like to cook for myself, dress myself, wipe my own backside.
- And why can't I find my own wife? - Aha! So that's it?
We've gone through a lot of trouble to select for you a very fine wife.
Since she was born, she was taught to walk, speak and think as a queen.
But what if I don't love her?
It's normal to feel anxiety about meeting your queen.
When I met your father, I was terrified.
I must admit, I was frightened, too.
I was so nervous, I became nauseous.
But over the years, I have grown to love your father very much.
You see, my son, there's a fine line between love and nausea.
I understand, but when I marry,
I want the woman to love me for who I am, not because of what I am.
- And who are you? - A man who's never tied his shoes.
Wrong! You're a prince who's never tied his shoes.
I tied my own shoes once. It is an overrated experience.
Good morning, your Majesty. It's another beautiful day in Zamunda.
And, Semmi, what is it now?
You look especially radiant today, your Grace.
I was remarking to my mother the other day what lovely skin the Queen has.
Semmi, don't you have somewhere you should go?
Yes, I was about to take the birthday boy for his daily workout.
Excuse me, Father. And Mother.
Have a good day, my son.
Akeem, what happened to the rose bearers?
Let's see if you can defend yourself, you sweat from a baboon's balls.
So you can have a woman who will obey your every command,
but you'd rather have a woman who has an opinion?
Only dogs are to obey. If you love your wife, you'll value her opinion.
Hippopotamus shit! You're the heir to the throne of Zamunda.
Your wife need only have a pretty face, firm backside and big breasts.
So you would share your bed, and your fortune, with a beautiful fool?
That's the way it's always been with men of power. It's tradition.
It's also tradition that times must change.
Get your Royal Engagement T-shirt! Step up and get your Royal T-shirt!
- These really are delicious. - Yes, thank you.
Your Majesty.
I am Colonel Issy.
And today, with your blessing, I offer my daughter to your son.
My blessing is granted. Let the courtship commence.
Pardon me. Step aside, please. Coming through. Excuse me. Out of the way!
Greetings, great Prince. Presenting Miss Imani Issi.
She's your Queen-to-be
A Queen-to-be forever
A Queen who'll do whatever
His Highness desires
She's your Queen-to-be
A vision of perfection
An object of affection
To quench your royal fire
Completely free from infection
To be used at your discretion
Waiting only for your direction
Your Queen-to-be
May I talk to you alone for a moment, please?
Excuse us for a moment.
- So... - Am I not all you dreamed I would be?
You're fine. Beautiful.
But if we're going to be married, we should talk and get to know each other.
Ever since I was born, I have been trained to serve you.
I know, but I'd like to know about you. What do you like to do?
Whatever you like.
- What kind of music do you like? - Whatever kind of music you like.
I know what I like, and you know what I like, 'cause you were trained to know,
but I would like to know what you like. Do you have a favourite food?
Good! What is your favourite food?
Whatever food you like.
This is impossible. I command you not to obey me.
No.
Are you saying that no matter what I tell you to do, you will do?
Yes, your Highness.
- Anything I say, you'll do? - Yes, your Highness.
Bark like a dog.
A big dog.
Hop on one leg.
Make a noise like an orang-utan.
I see the two of you are getting along.
Excuse me, Imani, for a moment.
Fine girl, isn't she? I told you not to worry.
Father...
About this wedding...
The guests are waiting, your Majesty.
Let them wait! I'm talking to my son.
Come. Let's go for a stroll.
Hello, Babar.
Time flies. It seems only yesterday I ordered your first diaper changed,
and now you're a man who's about to be married.
She will give you much pleasure, don't you think?
I'm not sure if I'm ready.
I know we never had a talk about this,
but I always assumed you had sex with your bathers. I know I do.
It's not that. I'm 21 years old, and I have never left Zamunda.
I have yet to experience what the outside world has to offer.
- So you want to sow your royal oats? - No, it's not that...
You're right! Get out, see the world. Enjoy yourself.
Fulfil every erotic desire, and in 40 days, you will marry Imani.
- But, Father... - It is settled.
May I have your attention, please?
The wedding will proceed in 40 days. You may go home now. Good night.
Oha. Prepare the royal baggage. My son is going on a trip.
Prepare the royal baggage!
This trip is an excellent idea. 40 days of fornication.
Semmi. I have something else in mind. I intend to find my bride.
What is wrong with the one you have? Didn't you want to rip her clothes off?
I want a woman who will arouse my intellect as well as my loins.
- Where would you find such a woman? - In America.
The land is so big, the choices so infinite.
Where shall we go? Los Angeles or New York?
We'll let fate decide.
Heads, New York. Tails, Los Angeles.
We go to New York.
But where in New York can one find a woman with grace and elegance?
A woman suitable for a king.
Queens!
Mr. Frank Oznowitz. Please pick up a white courtesy telephone.
No one here can know I am royalty. I must appear as an average man.
I will not say a word.
Halt!
You dumb fuck!
Take us to Queens at once.
Do you want to go to Queens? Rich fellows should be in Manhattan.
Stay at the Waldorf or the Palace.
- Take us to the Palace. - No, I want Queens.
And we're not rich. We're ordinary African students.
Whatever you say, pal.
- What part of Queens do you want? - Take us to the most common part.
That's easy. If there's one thing Queens got a lot of, it's common parts.
What does "dumb fuck" mean?
- Is this shitty enough for you? - Yes, this is perfect.
Fascinating! Semmi, look at this.
America is great indeed. A country so free, one can throw glass on the street.
You must be out of your goddamn mind!
Listen. Real Americans.
Sugar Ray Robinson's the greatest fighter that ever lived.
- What about Joe Louis? - "The Brown Bomber".
- That was a great boxer. - You're damn right.
I suppose nobody in here ever heard of Cassius Clay.
He's got a point. Cassius Clay was a bad motherfucker.
I ain't saying Clay ain't bad.
I stopped liking him when he changed his name to Muhammad Ali.
Wait a second. Wait a second.
A man has the right to change his name to whatever he wants to change it to.
And if a man wants to be called Muhammad Ali,
you should respect his wishes and call the man Muhammad Ali.
His momma named him Clay. I'm going to call him Clay.
- I say Clay. - Get out of here.
He'll always be Clay to me. I don't care what he change his name to.
Well, then you're a putz. The three of you. Three putzes.
You should change the name from "My-T-Sharp" to "The Three Putzes".
- What the fuck do you want? - We desire a room.
You'd better not be wasting my time. You got money?
Come on in, gentlemen.
Yo, man! Get the big bag.
Excuse me if I was brusque, but we get boo-boos in here without a dollar.
Obviously, you gentlemen came in on another boat.
- We seek meagre accommodations. - Excuse me?
We require a room that is very poor.
Hey, Stu. Your rent's due, motherfucker.
And don't pull that falling down the stairs shit on me. You're conscious.
Every month, the same damn thing...
Here we are.
There's only one bathroom on this floor, so you have to share it.
Got a bit of an insect problem, but you boys from Africa are used to that.
And don't use the elevator. It's a death trap.
This is the place that I was telling you about. It's real fucked up.
The window faces a brick wall. I used to rent it to a blind man.
It's a damn shame what they did to that dog.
We will take the room.
Yes.
Behold, Semmi! Life. Real life.
A thing that we have been denied for far too long.
- Good morning, my neighbours! - Fuck you!
Yes! Yes! Fuck you, too!
I suspect that these are the people that have stolen our luggage.
Do you want to buy some toothbrushes?
I've got some real fly personal hygiene products, and a hair-dryer.
Thief! Stop thief! Come back, thief!
- Semmi, let him go. - Those things belong to us.
It's good we're rid of those things. Let them wear our princely robes.
We're in New York now. Let us dress as New Yorkers.
- I feel like a complete idiot. - Don't be ridiculous.
You know, you can be all the things you've always wanted to be.
Beautiful, sexy...
One, two, three...
Soul Glo.
Perhaps I should cut off my prince's lock.
You're out of your mind! Joe Louis is the greatest boxer that ever lived.
I'll be with you in a minute.
He was better than Clay, Sugar Ray and that new boy - Mike Tyson.
He was better than him, too. He'd whip all their asses!
- What about Rocky Marciano? - There they go. There they go.
Every time I talk about boxing, a white man pulls Rocky Marciano out his ass.
That's their one, that's their one. "Rocky Marciano, Rocky Marciano!"
Let me tell you something. Rocky Marciano was good,
but compared to Joe Louis, Rocky Marciano ain't shit!
He beat Joe Louis' ass.
- He did whop Joe Louis' ass. - Joe Louis was 75 years old!
I don't know how old he was, but he got his ass whooped.
Joe Louis came out of retirement to fight Marciano. He was 76 years old.
Joe Louis always lied about his age.
Once, Frank Sinatra sat in this chair.
I said, "You hang out with Joe Louis. How old is he?"
Frank said, "Joe Louis is 137 years old".
Oh, man. You ain't never met no Frank Sinatra.
Fuck you, fuck you and fuck you! Who's next?
What's that? Some kind of weave or something?
It's my natural hair. I've been growing it since birth.
What kind of chemicals you got in there?
None, only juices and berries.
That ain't nothing but Ultra-Perm. How do you want it cut?
Just make it nice and neat.
That'll be 8 dollars.
Tell me, Semmi. Honestly... How do I look?
It is time to find your queen.
I've got a secret.
I worship the devil.
See, that's the problem. I can't find a man that can satisfy me.
Some guys go an hour, hour and a half. That's it.
A man's got to put in overtime for me to get off.
I'm not interested in a man unless he drives a B.M.W.
Well, you know, baby, I'm almost single. My husband's on Death Row.
This is the first date Teresa and I have been on since the doctor separated us.
I'm into the group thing.
I was Joan of Arc in my former life.
My name is Peaches And I'm the best
All the D.J.s want to feel my breasts
I want to work in videos, but I want to be my own star in the video,
because I want to be a pop singer, a rock singer, and write my own songs.
And then I'm going to try an actress, 'cause people tell me I'm a natural.
Then I'm going to write and direct my own stories, produce the movies...
I hope you don't mind me coming over and sitting down.
But I've been watching you all evening, and I want to tear you apart.
And your friend, too.
Does every woman in New York have a severe emotional problem?
I doubt we will ever find your queen.
- Mr. Clarence. - The boys from Africa! How are you?
- Where can one find nice women here? - You've got to get out and look.
We've been to every bar in Queens.
You can't go to no bar to find a nice woman.
You've got to go to nice places, like the library and church.
Or this place, where I'm going tonight. The Black Awareness Rally.
There's going to be some fine women there. Clean girls.
I didn't come here to preach to you today.
But when I look at these contestants for The Miss Black Awareness pageant,
I feel good, 'cause I know there's a God somewhere.
There's a God somewhere.
Turn around, ladies.
You know there's a God who sits up high, and looks down low.
Man cannot make it like this.
Larry Flint, Hugh Hefner... They can take the picture,
but they can't make it. Only God above can make it for ya.
These are the best women Queens has to offer. Pick one, and let's go home.
Be patient, my friend.
Do you love him? Do you feel joy? Say "joy"!
- Joy! - Joy.
- Joy! - Joy!
- Can I get a "Amen"? - Amen, brother!
Don't be ashamed to call his name.
Yes, Lord!
Only God can give that woman that kind of joy.
- Make a joyful noise unto the Lord. - Joy!
- I am very happy to be here. - Amen!
Can I get a "Amen"?
I don't know what you've come to do, but I've come to praise His name.
Lord, Lord...
Girls, you can leave now. Thank you very much.
There's a God somewhere.
I've got a special treat for you this evening.
A young man, that you all know as Joe the policeman
from the "What's Going Down" episode of "That's My Momma".
I want you to put your hands together and welcome him to the stage.
A big round of applause for Jackson Height's own
Mr. Randy Watson! Randy Watson.
- That boy's good. - Good and terrible.
And Reverend Brown.
He's been my reverend since I was a little boy, and I love him dearly.
You're a very special man. Reverend Brown! Reverend Brown.
It feels so lovely to be here tonight. Give yourselves a round of applause.
Give a big round of applause to my band, Sexual Chocolate.
Sexual Chocolate. They play so fine, don't you agree?
- Some of the good stuff? Coming up. - Do you want a Coke?
- Enjoying the show? - Enjoy, young man.
Sexy Chocolate!
- Goddamn, that boy can sing. - You must be crazy.
Put your hands together for Mr. Randy Watson.
Yeah, one more time! Randy Watson, how about it!
Before we go any further, I'd like to thank Mr. Cleo McDowell,
who's responsible for the fine food and beverage here tonight.
Cleo, I know you're proud of your daughters. We are, too.
Please welcome one of the organisers of tonight's festivities.
Miss Lisa McDowell. Lisa, come up here, baby girl.
- Work in a plug for the new salad bar. - I'm not mentioning the restaurant.
At least give them the address.
Someone ought to put you on a plate and suck you up with a biscuit.
Black Awareness Week is an opportunity for self-expression.
- May we leave now? - No, wait.
...express himself through song. In his own unique way, but...
The song makes a good point.
The children are our future,
and it's up to all of us to provide a place where children can express themselves.
We need to rebuild Lincoln Park.
Ushers are passing with donation baskets, so please - give all you can.
We're happy to get the kind of money that jingles,
but we'd rather get the kind that folds.
- Donations. Donations! - I thought it was the trash.
- Stupid ass. - I'll whip your ass.
- You tar-black motherfucker. - There's women here. Calm down.
Thank you.
- She is wonderful. - Akeem...
You can see Lisa, and Mr. McDowell, at McDowell's Restaurant,
8507, Queens Boulevard.
Your first job every morning will be to sweep this walkway.
Then I want you to wash all the windows. Real good, too.
And don't leave no streaks.
What are you doing?
Get the hell out of here before I bust that camera!
Me and the McDonald's people, we've got this little misunderstanding.
See, they're "McDonald's". I'm "McDowell's".
They've got the golden arches. Mine are the golden arcs.
They've got the Big Mac. I've got the Big Mick.
We both got two all-beef patties, sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles and onions.
But they use a sesame seed bun. My buns have no seeds.
I've got it.
You've got to mop the food-prep area twice a day.
- Do you know how to mop? - Yes, of course.
There you go.
Don't use the bucket. It'll just confuse you.
When you get through here, you take out the trash.
Come with me, I've got an easy job for you.
- Hi! - Hello.
Hello.
Hi...
I am Akeem.
It's nice to meet you, Akeem.
I've been placed in charge of garbage. Do you have any that needs disposal?
No, it's totally empty.
When it fills up, don't be afraid to call me. I'll take it out urgently.
That's good to know.
When you think of garbage, think of Akeem.
Well, I have to get back to my sanitation duties.
Maybe we will have a chance to talk again on a professional level.
Goodbye, Akeem.
Darryl! You're looking sharp.
How about a Mick-Shake? I believe strawberry is your favourite.
Straw.
Lisa's in the back. She's waiting for you. Come on.
- How's everything at Soul Glo? - Fine.
Our home weave products are really taking off.
Dad isn't using the tickets for the Jets game. I thought you might enjoy them.
That's very considerate of you. Thank you!
- Lisa! Look who's here, honey. - Hi!
You two kids have a good time, you hear?
- Ready? - Sure.
I want to ask you something.
At the rally, someone stuck a large amount of cash in one of the boxes.
You wouldn't happen to know who that was, would you?
- Well, I... - I thought it was you!
You know me. Anything for the kids.
- Hi, guys. - Hello.
I got four tickets to the St. John's game. Maybe your sister can bring someone.
Take care of this, will you?
- Excuse me. - Hey, it's Kunta Kinte.
What can I do you for?
- Can you make my hair look like this? - Why would you want that?
I like your hair, it's natural.
I wish more children would wear their hair natural, like Martin Luther King.
You ain't never seen Martin Luther King with no messy curls on his head.
- I met Dr. Martin Luther King once. - You're lying, you ain't never met him.
I met him in 1962 in Memphis, Tennessee.
I'm walking down the street minding my own business.
I walk round the corner, and a man hits me in the chest.
I fall on the ground. I look up, and it's Martin Luther King.
I said, "Dr. King." He said, "Oops, I thought it was someone else."
- You never met Martin Luther King. - He knocked me over.
- No, he didn't. - Yes, he did.
Why do you worry about how you look?
I'm trying to gain the interest of a certain young lady.
I ain't heard no woman give no man no lovin' 'cause his hair looks good.
- That's right. - Is this an American girl?
You got to go through her papa. People don't know that about American women.
Ain't nothing to do with your hair or your pocket.
You get in good with American woman's father, you in good with her.
Get in good with the father, you home free.
- Home free. - Like a bird.
- Mr. McDowell. - What is it?
Sir, did you catch the professional football contest on television last night?
- No, I didn't. - It was most exhilarating.
The Giants of New York took on the Packers of Green Bay.
The Giants triumphed by kicking an oblong pigskin ball through a big "H".
It was a ripping victory.
Son, and I'm just going to tell you this one time.
You want to keep working here, stay off the drugs.
Yes, sir.
I don't know how it is in Africa, but here rich guys get all the chicks.
- He must work very hard. - The Prince of Soul Glo?
No way. He lives off his father's invention.
He can buy her anything he wants. How are you going to compete with that?
I'll get it.
- Delivery for Miss Lisa McDowell. - I'll take it, I'm her sister.
Would you sign here, please?
- What is it? - Something for you.
Do you mind if I open it?